The 1966 film Altin Cocuk, aka Golden Boy, should give a second thought to all of those who think that Turkish pop cinema was just all about ripping off old American superhero serials, Italian giallos, Star Wars, The Exorcist, and E.T. See, they also ripped off the James Bond movies. Read my full review, just posted over at Teleport City.
Monday, March 8, 2010
He's the man, the man with the golden... boy
The 1966 film Altin Cocuk, aka Golden Boy, should give a second thought to all of those who think that Turkish pop cinema was just all about ripping off old American superhero serials, Italian giallos, Star Wars, The Exorcist, and E.T. See, they also ripped off the James Bond movies. Read my full review, just posted over at Teleport City.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Super Batman & Mazinger V, aka Super Betaman (South Korea, 1990)
Do you see? DO YOU SEE?
Of course, the benefit to watching Super Batman & Mazinger V in a state of paranoid agitation is that it actually makes the film more interesting, which is desperately called for. Despite its apparent aspirations toward zaniness, the movie moves along at a pace that is mysteriously sedate, with the only relief being intermittent, Power Rangers style fight scenes and random moments at which we suddenly find ourselves watching a cartoon. In fact, if there is a conspiracy afoot here, I suspect that it is one on the part of the evil forces of boredom, who are trying to reel in susceptible souls such as myself for the purpose of exposing us to all kinds of really terrible, child-sung Korean synth-pop songs. (I only hesitantly include the Super Batman theme song -- or, as sung, "Supah Betuman-O!" -- in that characterization, as it almost approaches awesome.)
Our cast of characters here includes a fat guy in a pith helmet who's always carrying a toy robot around with him, a little girl, a fat kid with freckles painted on his face, a generically attractive young woman, a guy with a band-aid on his forehead, and a childlike guy in a Miami Vice style linen suit jacket who turns out to be the alter ego of Super Batman. Periodically, this group or various combinations thereof are attacked by either a space wolfman in wrestling togs or a group of guys in leotards wearing animal masks, all of whom seem to be after the toy robot that pith helmet guy is carrying. Whenever this occurs, Super Batman shows up out of nowhere for one of many acrobatic fight scenes -- accompanied by the aforementioned toddler-screamed theme song -- that probably wouldn't be very interesting if there was anything going on between them, but, as is, come as something of a blessing.
Eventually the group retires to band-aid guy's apartment to discuss the toy robot at what seems like very great length. Pith helmet guy then launches us into a cartoon flashback in which we learn, I think (I confess that I leaned on the fast forward an awful lot during this), that he was once the pilot of the giant robot Mazinger V, which disappeared after being stolen by an evil space lady. Soon after, the group discovers that the toy robot contains a map outlining the whereabouts of the robot. Conveniently, it is in the same wooded, lakeside area where all of Super Batman & Mazinger V's exterior sequences not shot in the courtyard of a nondescript apartment block were filmed. And so they set off, only to be dogged in their quest to find Mazinger V by the aforementioned animal-masked baddies and a couple of live-action evil space ladies who look nothing like the evil space lady in the cartoon flashback. (And, yes, I smell Joseph Lai all over this one, too, though it doesn't appear in his IMDB filmography -- perhaps because there was never any attempt to foist it upon unsuspecting English speaking children.*)
By the way, for all you classic Japanese robot enthusiasts out there, the nerd in me feels compelled to point out that Mazinger V indeed looks something like the robot Great Mazinger, despite being all orange. On the other hand (pause to wipe fog from glasses caused by combination of hyperventilation and mouth breathing), the toy robot carried around by pith helmet guy looks more like a cross between Combattler V and Raidee... Okay, I'll stop. (Also, the toy itself looks like a plastic Korean knock-off of a Japanese transforming toy, which isn't too surprising, since it seems like a lot of these Korean kiddie films were in part designed to sell corresponding toy lines that were themselves knock-offs of more recognized lines.)
Super Batman & Mazinger V briefly approaches the level of sublimity promised by its title at about the one hour mark, when its hero flies through an opening in the Earth into a subterranean hell world. Here Super Batman undergoes an ordeal of near mythical proportions, which, in its presentation, is a triumph of limited animation combined with cut-outs from still photographs. (It looks a lot like a filmed version of one of those old Santo photo-comics.) First he's attacked by cartoon bats, and then has his head vomited on by a giant cartoon spider, after which he is threatened by a giant cartoon snake before having to fight some cartoon skeletons and some hooded vampires that he vanquishes using a cross and a laser beam that shoots out of his mouth. Throughout all of this, Super Batman is screaming in pain and terror, which, as you might imagine, is more than a little unsettling.Finally Super Batman survives his agonies to make his way to Mazinger V's hiding place. Pith helmet guy then turns into a cartoon to take his rightful place at the robot's controls, and the space wolfman guy turns into a giant, black cartoon robot so that the movie can end with a giant cartoon robot fight. Then the drum machine is turned on and the kids in the background start screaming about "Supah Betuman-O!" as the credits roll.
And I run to the kitchen to grab the tinfoil so I can make a new hat.

Thursday, March 4, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The Commando (Nepal, 199?)
Wikipedia tells me that Nepali films typically follow the same rough contours as Bollywood movies, incorporating musical numbers and Indian style narratives, which isn’t that surprising. But in The Commando, that framework is made subordinate to elements that are more in keeping with those of a Hong Kong martial arts film. And I’m not talking here about the kind of sound-effect-assisted faux-fu we’ve seen in Mithun’s movies.
Our star here is a mountain of muscle with formidable kickboxing skills, one who gives the clear impression of being one of those stars who -- like other kickboxers- turned-leading-men like Jean Claude Van Damme or Don “The Dragon” Wilson -- is an athlete first and an actor… well, somewhere below that. Kickboxing became a popular sport in Nepal during the mid-eighties, so it wouldn’t be too surprising to learn that one of the sport’s indigenous leading lights, like those aforementioned stars, had been enticed to make the move to the screen.
Given this, the filmmakers have wisely structured The Commando in a manner that will show our star’s fighting abilities off to best advantage. Violent, multi-person brawls pop up at dependably frequent intervals, guaranteeing that, by the time the closing credits roll, you will have seen just about as many people bloodily spin-kicked in the face as you could reasonably ask for. Even one of the film’s song numbers is conceived as a showcase for this hero’s athleticism, with the scantily clad leading lady flitting around him swooningly as he stoically pumps iron.
It’s debt to chop-sockey films aside, if The Commando were a product of Bollywood, it would undoubtedly be described as being within the “Patriotic” genre, as there is much flag waving and impassioned speechifying to be found within it. There is also a long and shouty narrative introduction -- spoken over images of a map of Nepal and a portrait of a figure who I think might have been original Ghurka Bappa Rawal -- that I, of course, couldn’t understand a blessed word of. What was pretty clear to me is that The Commando tells a story of a divided Nepal, and, incidentally or not, does so at a time when Nepal was indeed divided as a result of Maoist revolt and counterinsurgency. Still, I think that for me to interpret its events in that light might be about as misguided an effort as would be expecting an unsubtitled version of Mr. India to yield some form of documentary truth. In short, I’m just going to stick with what I saw and try to resist the temptation to fill with speculation those gaps left by The Commando’s lack of English translation.
The film chronicles the trials of our hero, a commando who goes AWOL from his army unit after being court marshaled and returns to his rural village, where he sides with a group of civilian freedom fighters who are gathering forces there. It seems like said hero -- whose name, as best I could make out, is Sudiya -- mainly just wants to be left alone, but elements within the military, including a former rival jealous of the affection shown Sudiya by their commander’s foxy young daughter, are not eager to accommodate. To this end, they recruit a raving underworld kingpin by the name of Neta Singh to generally make Sudiya’s life miserable.
What follows are repeated attacks upon Sudiya by Neta Singh’s cronies, which almost without exception end with all of those cronies being bloodily spin-kicked in the face. Finally, they determine that firearms might be in order, and manage to seriously wound Sudiya, but fail to catch him before he escapes into the arms of the aforementioned commander’s daughter, Chandra, who nurses Sudiya back to health. Meanwhile, Neta Singh and his minions become even more down and dirty in their methods, terrorizing and even murdering Sudiya’s friends and family back in the village (among whom is one fellow, either Sudiya’s brother or best friend, who is a dead ringer for Jackie Shroff). Finally, with the final line having been crossed, Sudiya literally wraps himself in the flag and takes on his old unit singlehandedly with the help of some homemade, remote controlled grenade launchers. In the end, the resulting carnage appears to have been a very good thing for Nepal, because, once it’s over, a bunch of singing women and children carrying Nepali flags come rushing over the hillside to celebrate Sudiya’s awesomeness.
The Commando is a strikingly low budget affair, relying heavily upon rural outdoor locations for its shooting, with what interiors that do appear being notably stark and cramped looking. Still, the film’s abundance of bloody and well staged action sequences make for a rousing, if not altogether novel, viewing experience. In addition, it’s several songs, while nothing to write home about, are entertaining for the very way in which their resolute cheerfulness so incongruously breaks up the brutal action that surrounds them. At one moment we’ll see the soldiers drunkenly celebrating their camaraderie in song, immediately after which Sudiya is shown beating one of them to a pulp for his violent rape attempt upon Chandra. The tonal shifts can be jarring, but nonetheless fail to derail the film as a whole thanks to the tight economy with which its (apparently) simple tale is otherwise told.
In closing, I realize that I have probably spent as much space here telling you what I don’t know about The Commando as what I do. And, as usual, I’m hoping that this broadcasting of my ignorance will serve as a cry for help. After all, if I don’t tell you how stupid I am, how will you know to come to my aid? I’d love, for instance, to know the name of our kickboxing star and if he made other films of this type. If you are that English speaking expert on all things The Commando that I’m hoping is out there, please get in touch.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
It's the 4DK Animalympics... Tier 2!!! Vote NOW!
And it's not over! But before we proceed, I'd like to point out that, with no chimpanzees competing in tier 2, even if he doesn't take it all -- which, obviously, he well might -- Pedro has already dominated over the rest of his species, easily taking out both Insaniyat's Zippy and the fez-wearing chimp from Jaani Dost. Ape has killed ape!
So now let's take a look at who'll be competing to face off against Pedro in the final. As before, you can vote for this bunch via the polling gadget located on top of the sidebar... starting NOW! Remember to click on the contestant's name to look at their full profile:
Aashiq from Char Dervesh
"Grrrrr!"
Dharmendra in a bear suit from Azaad
"I don't belong here!"
Moti from Teri Meherbaniyan
"I feel your pain!"
Ramu from Haathi Mere Saathi
"Vote for me or the kid dies!"
Jumbo from Khoon Bhari Maang
"Who's a good boy? I'M a good boy!"
Raja from Khoon Bhari Maang
"You know you wanna ride this!"
The Subliminal Marmoset from Pyasa Shaitan
"You will vote for me!"
Suraj from Appu Raja
"Read my lips!"
Charles from Doodh Ka Karz
"Don't tread on me!"
Rambo from Appu Raja
"Size matters!"
Monday, March 1, 2010
The Impossible Kid (Philippines, 1982)
Then again, I may be wrong about that. After all, those who keep abreast of internet memes and those with a taste for obscure cult movies are not necessarily one and the same. Just as, conversely, it’s a rare type who will go from chuckling at the exploits of Weng Weng or Little Superstar in a two minute YouTube clip to actually seeking out one of their movies. (I am one of these kinds of people. Can you guess which one?)If you are, in fact, that impossible creature who does not know who Weng Weng is yet actually wants to, I’m not quite sure where to begin. What detailed information there is on the web about him – at least in English – is almost inevitably the result of the efforts of one mad Australian, and any biography I might attempt would merely be a paraphrasing of his words. So here’s a link to Andrew’s blog, and, from yours truly, a thumbnail:
At first an embarrassment to Imelda Marcos – who made a pet project out of promoting Filipino cinema only to see her beloved Manila International Film Festival serve as the launching point for the international success of a zero-budget midget spy film – and later a force to be reckoned with – as evidenced by her later pairing up with him for a famous rendition of “My Way” – Weng Weng, an extremely tiny man with some apparent martial arts training, was a very big deal in the Philippines for a very short time during the 80s. And the starting point for said big deal-ness was For Y’ur Height Only, a 1981 film in which he portrayed a 2 foot, 9 inch tall super spy with the code name Agent 00 – a film whose hastily produced, 1982 sequel, The Impossible Kid, is the subject of my post today.
The first thing to note about The Impossible Kid is that it is actually quite enjoyable. And it is enjoyable because its makers made the wise decision to play everything perfectly straight. As a result, it’s a pretty standard, low budget 80s action movie whose hero – to use the appropriate PC parlance – just so happens to be less than three feet tall. And while the comedic contrasts that result from that fact are inevitable, they are never forced, with our hero’s size more likely to be presented as an asset to his work as a high flying Interpol agent than an impediment. (He is easily concealed, for one thing, and can make narrow escapes that are considerably narrower than what his less compact counterparts can manage.) All of this has the astonishing result that, by the end of The Impossible Kid, you actually find yourself kind of buying into the whole concept.
Of course, when you have Weng Weng fronting your movie, you really don’t have to strive much to underscore its novelty, as the man is as much a human special effect as he is an actor. Though the condition responsible for his size is described as a form of dwarfism, his body is pretty much normally proportioned, which, combined with his face’s apparent inability to assume anything resembling an actual expression, gives him the appearance of being a living action figure. For the viewer, there’s a resulting cognitive dissonance that occurs whenever he steps into a scene alongside normal sized props and actors, and that dissonance is compounded a thousand fold when he then proceeds to spin kick and karate chop everyone in that room as if her were some kind of toddler-sized Battle Top.
Anyone who’s already seen For Y’ur Height Only will have a good idea of what the action in The Impossible Kid comprises. Once again we have lots of Weng Weng being tossed around and punching bad guys in the balls. He also gets a cool toy motorcycle to tear around on, which is used to especially good effect in a scene where he pulls up alongside a big rig filled with bad guys and tries to get them to pull over. Said bad guys this time around are a gang lead by a hooded figure called Cobra, who are responsible for kidnapping and assassinating a number of the P.I.’s leading citizens as part of a sweeping extortion scheme. Once Weng Weng is put on the case, we get the expected roundelay of murder attempts, tight squeezes and fevered chases, all given an added injection of surrealism by the fact that one of the participants is just really, really small.
The Impossible Kid sustains its Bond-in-miniature conceit to the point of going above and beyond to present its hero as pure sexual chocolate, so that Weng Weng can go nowhere without being pursued by besotted, full-sized and full-figured women ready to melt into his diminutive arms. Whether they do this out of some kind of misguided maternal feeling or are simply attracted to the idea of a man who can be fit in his entirety into their vaginas I’m not sure. But the movie’s brassy theme song, featuring the Philippines’ answer to Shirley Bassey hollering “I love you, Weng Weng!”, certainly goes a long way toward putting the exclamation point on the idea.In closing, my purpose on Earth here today is to tell you people – whether you are ignorant entirely of Weng Weng, or are merely a Weng Weng dilettante whose all like “Oh OF COURSE I know Weng Weng” despite never having sat through one of his films in their entirety – that Weng Weng’s Agent 00 movies are not merely the tiresome novelty items that you very justifiably assume them to be. They’re actually a lot of fun. Now, whether the same can be said of Weng Weng’s crack at the Western genre, D’Wild Wild Weng Weng, is a question that will have to be addressed another day.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Seven days of 70s Bollywood: Geetaa Mera Naam
Geetaa Mera Naam (1974)Directed by Sadhana Shivdasani
Written by R.K. Nayyar, Madan Joshi
Starring: Sadhana Shivdasani, Sunil Dutt, Feroz Khan, Helen
Music by Laxmikant-Pyarelal
Sunil Dutt's stuffed monkey? The human waxworks? Helen unzipping Feroz Khan's shirt with her teeth? Sadhana's mad kung fu skills? The all-pervading S&M obsession? The comic book color scheme? Helen's weirdest item number perhaps ever? Where exactly does one start with Geetaa Mera Naam? I know: with watching it. NOW!
Read my review of Geetaa Mera Naam at Teleport City
Honorable Mentions:
Charas
Khoon Khoon
Be-Sharam
Inkaar
Warrant
Faraar
Nagin
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Seven days of 70s Bollywood: Qurbani
Qurbani (1980)Directed by Feroz Khan
Written by K.K. Shukla
Starring: Feroz Khan, Vinod Khanna, Zeenat Aman, Amjad Khan, Amrish Puri, Aruna Irani, Shakti Kapoor
Music by Kalyani-Anandji
Despite it's 1980 release date, I doubt anyone who's seen Qurbani would disagree that it is a quintessentially 1970s film. It's as if director/star Feroz Khan looked back upon the preceding decade of masala excess and distilled it down to its very essence. Thus we get bikini-clad disco divas, careening muscle cars, musky bromance, and shameless bare-chested ascot wearing, all set to what has to be Kalyani-Anandji's most downright funky score ever. Qurbani IS the 70s!
Read my review of Qurbani at Teleport City
Friday, February 26, 2010
Boo! We're on drugs
Dracula's Music Cabinet is essentially the soundtrack to a nonexistent Jess Franco film crafted by some German session musicians who then crowded it with all kinds of homemade spook show sound effects and random screaming. It's kind of awesome. Read my full review of the recent CD reissue of this audio treasure over at Teleport City.
Seven days of 70s Bollywood: Yaadon Ki Baaraat
Yaadon Ki Baaraat (1973)Directed by Nasir Hussain
Written by Javed Akhtar, Salim Khan, Nasir Hussain
Starring: Dharmendra, Zeenat Aman, Vijay Arora, Tariq, Ajit
Music by R.D. Burman
It's a sad fact that not all masala films are equal to the sum of their parts, but Yaadon Ki Baaraat is one example where everything comes together perfectly: romance, action, family drama -- all equally fascinating as individual elements while at the same time complimenting and enriching one another. Add to this a flat out brilliant R.D. Burman score, Zeenat Aman at her loveliest, and one of Dharmendra's best performances of the decade and you have just about the best introduction to 1970s Bollywood that a novice could hope for. Be warned, however: You will cry!
Read my review of Yaadon Ki Baaraat on 4DK
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Seven days of 70s Bollywood: Kaala Sona
Kaala-Sona (1975)Directed by Ravikant Nagaich
Written by Harish Khatri, Ramesh Pant, V.D. Puranik
Starring: Feroz Khan, Danny Denzongpa, Parveen Babi, Prem Chopra, Helen
Music by R.D. Burman
Yes, of course I love Sholay. But I figured it was safe to assume that it would be paid enough lip service elsewhere during this blog-a-thon that I could afford to dedicate some space to one of my other favorite "curry westerns". Sure, Kaala-Sona may not be as soulful as Ramesh Sippy's classic, but it makes up for that with the kind of violent, pulpy thrills that make it even closer kin to the Italian oaters that inspired it. That is, until the final act, when we find ourselves playing in villain Prem Chopra's surreal realm of boundless, Wizard of Oz inspired poppy fields, at which point Kaala Sona becomes something entirely crack-headed and uniquely its own,
Read my review of Kaala Sona at Teleport City
KAALA SONA - Iqraar jane jaana
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