Kasam Paida Karne Wale Ki (India, 1984)

I don't have kids, but if I did -- and I was completely out of my fucking mind -- I might rely on a film like Kasam Paida Karne Wale Ki for tips on how to raise them. For starters, there's Amrish Puri as the uncle who -- in an attempt to gain the inheritance due his nephew -- raises the lad to be a gibbering idiot by making him repeat the phrase "I am mad" hundreds of times every day. Then there is the maid who serves as the closest thing to a mother figure in that lad's life, who tells the naive boy (at this point played by Mithun Chakraborty) that, on his wedding night, when his bride says no, she really means yes. Finally there is that unfortunate bride (Smita Patil), who -- once her husband has been murdered outright by the treacherous uncle -- vows to pump her unborn son full of hatred so that he will become a remorseless engine of vengeance, and who, once that son is grown (and played, again, by Mithun Chakraborty) provides a model of love at its most utterly conditional by telling him that the day he loses a fight will be the day she turns her back on him. Furthermore, when, at the film's climax, Mithun's wild-eyed mother orders him to kill the target of her vengeance -- who at this point is lying prone at his feet -- it doesn't provide an opportunity for any kind of moral quandary on the part of Mithun's character -- or even an epiphany about what a manipulative psycho his mom is -- but rather, once the deed is done, just a neat and tidy path to what the film presents as a happy and just resolution for all surviving. Not that this is a surprise, given that the film's dedication salutes those mothers everywhere who want to raise strong sons (presumably in the patented, mouth foaming, thousand-mile-staring Kasam Paida Karne Wale Ki way).

Given his upbringing, it's not surprising that little Mithun II grows up to be good at little other than pummeling people with his fists. But what struck me is how, when it comes time to earn his keep -- and despite him not having any apparent musical ability -- he easily gets a job as a drummer in a disco band. I want to mock this particular development, but, hey, I've been in my share of bands, and it's totally true: Even the most mallet-fisted thug, no matter how un-musical, is only a pair of drumsticks away from filling that position. It's a drummer joke!

As those in the know have probably already guessed, Kasam Paida Karne Wale Ki is yet another collaboration between actor Chakraborty, producer/director Babbar Subhash, and composer Bappi Lahiri, with all of the ugliness and stupidity that that implies. If you need further proof, check out this clip:

Oh no! Looks like somewun's gunna git blowed up!