Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Chimp vs. ????: The 4DK Animalympics - The Final Battle!

Our finalists:

This is exciting, because I imagine that, in the real world, a fight between Pedro and the Subliminal Marmoset would involve Pedro leaping out from behind cover with a blazing pistol in each hand, John Woo style, while the Subliminal Marmoset fired laser beams out of his eyes.

In any case, if the 4DK Animalympics has taught us anything, it's that it pays to have a gimmick. In the Subliminal Marmoset's case, that gimmick involved him being a still photograph that popped up completely out of context at random times throughout the running time of a bizarrely haphazard Indian horror film. Let this be a lesson to all aspiring still photographs of difficult-to-identify small primates then, because it is that very quality, apparently, that lead to the Subliminal Marmoset winning Tier 2 by a landslide, taking a whopping 40% of the total vote. Only Dharmendra in a bear suit (again, a gimmick!) came close, at a distant 30%, while strong contenders like Moti (20%) and Charles the boob-fixated cobra (5%) made startlingly weak showings. The results are unmistakably clear: You people are fucking crazy!

So now it's time for the big showdown... And remember, you will have to do whatever the winner says for the next year, so choose carefully. Do you want to spend that time fetching highballs for Pedro and being the nerve-addled subject of his constantly insisted-upon drunken games of "William Tell", or do you want to spend it being constantly freaked the eff out by the SM's continual staring and harsh-though-unspoken judgment?

As before, get thee to the polling gadget perched atop yon sidebar. Voting will go on for only one week this time around, with our winner making his/its victory lap next Tuesday.


Michael Barnum said...

Pedro my man-monkey, I am rooting for you to win!

Keith said...

Pedro vs Subliminal Marmoset??? But I thought "Ape shall not kill ape." Who knows the future, Lawgiver? Perhaps only Moti.

Man, I need a full night's sleep.

memsaab said...

One drink for Pedro, one for me...one drink for Pedro, one for me...one drink (you get the idea)

Todd said...

Oh, I get it alright.

Keith said...

What? Pedro is behind? I call election fraud! This is all because of his strong pro-2nd amendment stance and the fact that his health care reform plan was "Oooo eeee wa wa wa ooo eee!"

Todd said...

I also think it has something to do with that polling gadget being designed by Diebold.