Saturday, March 12, 2011


I don't normally review American films, but I felt that my inaugural viewing of the notorious stink bomb Gymkata deserved to be commemorated, so I took to my Twitter account to live tweet the experience. The results, which will only make sense if you've seen the movie -- if even that -- are transcribed below. And, yes, you're about to read a blog post consisting entirely of regurgitated Tweets, but, to put that in perspective, I just spent 90 minutes watching Gymkata.

I'm about to watch Gymkata for the first time. #gymkata

This should work out well, seeing as I hate gymnastics, white people, and jingoistic 1980s movies. #gymkata

So what is this, the country of Euro-Mongolia? #gymkata

Wow. Boyfriend's junk is totally up in my face. #gymkata

"Interesting background. Her mother was Indonesian." Wait, like _Indonesian_ Indonesian? Crazy! #gymkata

Among mythical foreign countries, only Briesylvania is higher in cholesterol than Parmestan. #gymkata

#Gymkata's image of the non-Western world reminds me of old maps where they'd just put a picture of a sea monster over any unknown territory. 

A toothless hag! Wait, a tongueless hag! Damn, a hag's mouth just can't catch a break. #gymkata 

I'll admit I'm surprised by the orchestral score. I was expecting that infomercial synth music most shitty 80s action movies had. #gymkata

Why are these ninjas not clearly labeled? #gymkata 

Dictator or no, I'm glad Harry Reems finally got his own country. #gymkata 

Offended by the depiction of the mentally handicapped in #gymkata, yet support it's employment of them. 

The cornfield scene: Damn dirty ninjas! #gymkata 

The Game is like a more xenophobic Amazing Race. All that's missing is some white debs calling Parmestan "ghetto". #gymkata 

The thankless job of a flag ninja. #gymkata 

I'd like to think that if anyone in #gymkata won an Oscar, they'd bring one of the flag ninjas onstage for acknowledgement by the crowd. 

His parents named him Thorg and they got a Thorg. #gymkata 

We're crazy and we're laughing! Guh-huh-ha-ha! #gymkata 

I'm whimpering while stabbing you! #gymkata 

...aaand Lucio Fulci steps in for his directing cameo. #gymkata 

The pommel horse scene, something that couldn't possibly be as ridiculous as it's been described, yet is. #gymkata 

I think it would have been better if the crazy people all stepped back and gave him the slow clap after the pommel horse. #gymkata 

This soundtrack features a lot of ambient goat, yak, and sheep. #gymkata 

Evil Kevin Sorbo must die! #gymkata 

This actress was Tia Carrere before there was Tia Carrere #gymkata 

"Based on the novel 'The Terrible Game'." Can't even touch that. It's like the logic problem that short-circuits the robot's brain #gymkata 

OK, that wasn't so... God, who am I kidding? #gymkata 


memsaab said...

Never heard of this, but Kevin Sorbo? Is it like watching the Olympics gymnastics but with ninjas? Only bad? (or so I gather)...

Todd said...

The poster really says it all: "The SKILL of gymnastics, the KILL of karate!"